Of all the things..

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

When I was in my early 20's and starting in the corporate world, a forty-something co-worker had a poster with that quote on it. I thought it was funny in a tounge-in-cheek kind of way.

I'm not laughing anymore. I feel like I've regressed a number of years and have all but lost the ability to think. I recall that saying now and can only nod in reluctant acceptance.

My Morning

7:10am, leaving the house to drive my son to school.
me: "Did you eat breakfast?"
son: "Have breakfast right here," while holding up a bag of doughnut holes.
me: "Oy. Did you pack a lunch?"
son: "Yup," while patting a pouch on his backpack.
me: "Good."

11:15am, I'm on a phone call with a colleague. Our home phone rings, caller ID says it's the High School. I ignore it, thinking if it's an emergency, they'll call my cell next. Couple of minutes later, a text comes:
son: "Will you come have lunch with me today?" My lunch plans had been canceled earlier, so I replied, "Sure, we don't have the money to go out, but I could bring a lunch." He responds, "OK."

So, I make a couple of sandwiches, grab some chips, a couple of bananas and a couple drinks. I email work letting them know I'll be away for awhile, then start driving to the school. About half way there, the two events coalesce in my mind. "Wait just a minute! He told me he packed a lunch this morning!", I think to myself, "This will be an interesting conversation."

11:40 I arrive at the school. He sees me pull up, and climbs into my truck. I pull into parking space and turn to face him. "So, did you lie to me about packing a lunch this morning?", I ask.

"Uhhhh, yes."

"How come?"

"Well, because if I had said I didn't have a lunch packed, you'd have made me go back into the house to make one, and then I'd be late for school."

I actually heard a rim-shot in my head.

The end

I haven't looked forward to a year end so much in my life. In most ways, 2009 was dark year for me, and felt like I moved backwards in many ways.

The past decade, however, was great in many ways. Starting out just married and in a new career, and then my son coming to live with us are the highest on that list.

And while I hope for 2010 to be better, my outlook is bleak.

Fear

Been thinking about this subject a lot lately. It's an ugly thing. I think it boils down to: Either you're using it, experiencing it, or being manipulated by it - consciously or not. It is a part of nearly every decision you make and every action you take.

Hate travel. No wait, I LOVE travel, it's the airport, TSA, airlines and the feeling of being in a cattle pen that I hate.